This morning I thought…

This morning I woke up and thought, “It’s Monday and that means I get to write my blog today!” I scrambled hurriedly through the morning routine of breakfast, dressing three and a half people (number 5 in the family has spent the entire day in his jammies…by choice) and the school run.

Amid sessions of the Supreme Court for Brotherlly Arbitrations for the settlement of civil rights abuses involving lego, light sabres and use of the remote control, I managed to bake a key lime pie (for marital happiness of spousal unit), a batch of chocolate yo-yo biscuits (for gastric happiness of sibling who did not get to stay home from school with a chest infection- because life can be hard when you’re 8 and not sick), the evening meal for the prevention of the six-o’clock emotio-nuclear fall out of five hungry and tired people and a spare evening meal for tomorrow night because there is a day of competitive sports ahead for the child whom I adore but whose most likely response to anything less than a full row of elite gold medals will be something like a funeral dirge crossed with a hurricane (I exaggerate- all the athletic supporting I will be doing from the side of the field is bound to exhaust me- it’s tough being a spectator).

I was anticipating an hour or two of bliss- all my chores attended to…two loads of washing packed away and another two on the line… meals cooked…dessert in the bag…all those averted sibling disasters…and all without bleeding, weeping or gnashing of teeth.

And then…we collected the healthy child from school with a serve of chocolate yo-yos in hand. Never have so few biscuits been savoured by so happy a child…until his brother threw up next to him…three times.

Thankfully I am one of those mothers who has a bucket in the car at all times (not a word of exaggeration- it’s green and sits on the passenger side next to the box of emergency tissues) and we averted mass spread of said offensive material. The odour, however spread faster than a Twilight rumour. Screeching to a halt along the motorway to tip bucket inoffensively into the bushes, I managed to separate the green and vomiting child from the green and almost vomiting one, who by now looked like he was reciting his seven times tables…backward…in French…to avoid thinking about the thing that was happening under his nose…in more ways than one.

In all the proceeding vomiting hubbub, the youngest child (who must not under any circumstances fall asleep during the day) fell asleep  which is a disaster because it means he will be bouncing off the walls until my bed time which means I get no down time tonight… but at least he missed the Ralph-and-hugh of his brothers intestinal heaving!

So instead of writing my blog, I showered and cleaned one boy and one bucket, hauled a heavy sleeper from the car to the lounge and watched the previously French-thinking eight year old hand-feed a caterpillar to a golden orb spider. Not exactly a highlight of my day, but I suspect it was one of his. I know this because I was then roped into preparing a slide show of photos we took of his adventure…and then the little guy woke up…crying, the pre-prepared dinner burned while re-heating and that still, small voice that mothers sometimes hear came to whisper in my ear. You know what it was saying? Me neither, I couldn’t hear it through the screams:

“They broke my froggy pond Mom. They’re using the marbles to garble garble garble garble waa'” and  “Dad’s home. Can I show him my slideshow?” and “Hey, first it’s my turn to throw the marble. It’s not fair. Mum, he garble garble garble.”

And now its late and the little guy is watching Man vs Wild with his dad and I’m thinking to myself…Man vs Wild? Man vs Wild! Man, I versed the wild! Bear Grills couldn’t do what I just did and survive. I am woman, hear me…beg for my bed…no heroes here.

Did I mention that I love my job?

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Andrea Jordan
    Apr 11, 2011 @ 17:13:06

    Peter has just read this – he chuckled all the way through too! Also loved the photo of the golden orb spider!

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  2. Erin
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 09:06:19

    Ah my friend. Well done. I shall tell all my blog peeps to visit you 🙂

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  3. Nicole boyd
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 10:55:39

    You are such a wonderful mum and women I think you rock and could create a new show mum vs everything…… Love ya …..

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  4. Crystal
    Apr 04, 2011 @ 23:53:09

    Arianne! I just started reading your blog and I LOVE it! You are such an inspiring woman!! Love love love you!

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  5. Kenny
    Apr 04, 2011 @ 23:42:38

    Ari, you are super-mum! What an insane day! Is every day like this for you?!

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  6. Andrea Jordan
    Apr 04, 2011 @ 23:21:41

    Ari, I have only just stopped laughing – you write so amazingly well. I could visualize everything, and while sympathizing (and replacing all the “s” words with “z” to appease spell check), I was also rather glad I was only reading the story and not living through it myself. It is a strange thing that those days which are really horrendous for a mother also make for some of the funniest memories later on. I can see two books begin published – one purely for your blogs, which make for entertaining reading, and the other being the one giving you the most headaches. Cannot wait for the next instalment, but a week is too long to wait!!!! Love Andrea

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