I’ve had enough…

No one tells you when you become a parent there will be days when you literally come to the end of yourself. I am there tonight. Not just at the end of myself, but beyond …

In the past 42 hours, I’ve had about 4 hours of sleep because my four year old has a gastric infection that has his stomach twisting up with cramp about every 30 minutes. It was bad last night, and he cried through the night while I rocked him  and rubbed his back and warmed a heat pack over and again when its gentle heat kept the cramping to a minimum. He slept on and off all day (something he hasn’t done in years) always touching me, needing my constant reassurance each time the wave of cramping began to swell towards him.

The doctor says there is nothing we can do- he is too young for anti-spasmodic meds. The parent help line says I’m doing everything I can.

but when my little boy shake his fists in the air and asks me, the desperation etched in his face and voice; “Mommy, when is the pain going to stop?”

Then my best is not enough. And neither of us can take any  more. So I sit and cry with him until he rides the tail end of each cramping wave into a few minutes of sleep. I’ve given up on sleeping myself. I’ve had enough. Where is the stop button. I can’t do this any more….and yet I do…because he’s mine…and he needs me to. It’s hurting me beyond words…but he’s still the one in pain.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Anna Briggs
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 22:09:37

    Arianne, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you both had a rough few days. I hope Gabe has improved & you are getting some support. It’s unbearable when all hope seems to rapidly disappear & you feel powerless & unable to help your child. I’ll call you tomorrow & check in. I’d love to pop in if you are home. x Anna

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